1.Co-slept from the start

Co sleeping worked well with my 1st daughter, but at the beginning I didn’t want to co sleep, I was constantly trying to setting her to sleep in a next to me crib, then into a cot until I finally let go, and embraced it. It worked for my family, we got loads more sleep, I would latch my baby on my breast and we both would fall back to sleep. I’m not sure why I was fighting it so much, maybe because of other people opinions.  During my pregnancy with my 2nd daughter, I knew I wanted to co sleep from the start and not to put any pressure on myself.

If you want to co-sleep please check out the The Lullaby Trust for their safe sleep tips.

Kids want to sleep next to their parents, they feel safe and sleep longer, and it’s very normal in other cultures, it’s just western society that tells you that baby’s need to sleep through the night independently.

2.Husband in the spare room

Because I breast-feed my babies, there isn’t much my husband can do during the night, I didn’t want him to be up all night with me feeding, he was shipped off to the spare room so he could get a very nice full night’s sleep (yes I’m very jealous) again this works well for my family, he does attend to the toddler when she wakes.

3.Embraced contact naps

With my 1st daughter, I felt that she needed to have her naps in a crib and found it frustrating that I would get her to sleep, but as soon as I placed her down in the crib her eyes would ping open, then it would take ages to get her back to sleep again. Willow wasn’t a good napper and it was always a struggle to get her to sleep without breastfeeding, oh I wish I still breastfed this kid! it’s still takes ages to get her to go to bed.

my 2nd daughter, I never bothered to put her in a crib, we just embraced contact naps, when she was a newborn, she lived in a sling and now she’s got a bit older she loves a bum tap and a cuddle. My husband also loved having contact naps with her. When Oakley had reflux, my husband did 2-3 hours every night doing skin to skin contact naps, it created a lovely bond between them and he can settle her easily which he couldn’t do with our 1st daughter.

4.Didn’t pump

I wanted to pump to donate to the local NICU, but after trying to pump and getting absolutely nothing, I gave up, it just wasn’t worth the stress! But I did decide before my 2nd daughter was born, that I wouldn’t express and try to feed with a bottle. With my 1st daughter I pumped and we constantly tried different bottles, she would refuse them all and would get very upset. It was stressful for my baby, my husband and myself. My husband wanted to help with feeds, bond with our baby, and give me a break. After months of trying I gave up and then she finally took a bottle in the day when she was 9 months old.

I knew 2nd time around I didn’t want to put the added pressure on myself, we didn’t bother with a bottle. I was happy that I would either not go out or I would just take the baby with me. And there are so many ways that my husband can bond with the baby without feeding her. Skin to Skin is incredible for bonding, he would do 2-3 hours a night cuddling her. (She did have reflux) it created amazing bonding moments, she loved these cuddles, she would sleep for the whole 2-3 hours (which meant I could have a solid 2-3 hours sleep. Before we knew what was causing her reflux this was the only time I got sleep. Baby wearing, co bathing, playing, talking and singing are other ways he bonded with her.

5.Dummy for the car

My 1st daughter HATED the car, she would scream the whole journey, it was so stressful travelling anywhere with her. We had many journey’s where I was crying because I couldn’t comfort her and she just wanted to be cuddled, I would stop and feed her, sing songs, open windows, I tried white noise, NOTHING worked. She slowing started to like the car and now as a toddler she loves it.

My 2nd daughter didn’t like the car either, I gave Oakley a dummy in the car and she instantly took it and then fell asleep. Wow, how can a piece of plastic comfort my baby in a time of stress. again I put so much pressure on myself with my 1st baby, I didn’t want to use a dummy. So you can now see a theme what I did different with my 2nd baby. “Do not put pressure on yourself” Parenting is hard so you need to reduce any added pressure 😉

6.Car seat in the front

The same reason why I introduced a dummy for the car, if the baby was in the front, I could pop the dummy back in her mouth, hold her hand. (if putting a baby seat in the front, you need to turn off the airbag!)

If my husband was driving, then she would be in the back with me, I would boob her while she was in her car seat, it’s not very comfortable for me, but she would feed and then fall asleep.

7.Meals

life with a newborn is a huge adjustment, I found it hard to find time to shower, let alone cook dinner. This is embarassing but we had a lot of takeaways in the first few weeks. With our 2nd, we wanted to meal prep but she came early so we actually didn’t have time. Dad and step mum came over the day we got out of hospital with loads of prep made vegan meals. Absolute lifesavers!

Gift Guide: Meal vouchers/takeaway voucher, cleaners, anything that will reduce work for the parents is a perfect gift for when a new baby arrives! (So much better than a cute sleepsuit)

8.Stayed in my PJs longer

We were still in lockdown when my 2nd arrived, but still I, well we just lived in our pjs, we enjoyed just cuddling the new baby and we limited the amount of visitors. it’s a big change for our toddler becoming a big sister, we didn’t want her to feel left out and we wanted her to bond with her little sister too.

Also, I know I’m going off topic here, but only welcome visitors around if they are bringing food or are going to help you, and when I say help, not cuddle YOUR baby while you make them a cup of tea! They should be there to make your life easier.

9.Let the house become a shit tip

The only thing I keep on top of is the washing, especially the cloth nappies, everything else I don’t care about. the house is always a mess now!

10.Didn’t use a pram

My 1st daughter loved to be in a sling and she preferred to be in a sling than the pram, I would constantly try to use the pram but it ended up with her crying and it being stressful for all of us. (Luckily I didn’t spend a fortune on a pram), she started to use the pram a lot more when she was about 10 months old. So 2nd time around the baby went straight into the sling, I don’t know how I would have lived without one. I find it easy running around after a toddler and keeping a newborn happy and warm in a sling. Now my 2nd daughter doesn’t mind being in a pram but I find it hard to control the pram and keep and eye on my toddler running everywhere. I prefer to have the baby in the sling and hold my toddlers hand. My toddler is very independent and wants to walk, I have tried a double buggy but it just doesn’t work for us.

This is just my personal experience and what has worked for my family, every baby/toddler/parent is different.

My advice to you is, don’t put any pressure on yourself, if something is working for your family, keep doing it and don’t listen to anyone that tells you anything different. You don’t have to sleep train, you can’t over cuddle a baby, your house doesn’t need to be immaculate and you don’t need to be cooking amazing, baby led weaning Instagram worthy food for you kid to lob is across the room (cooked veg is just fine!)

Photo – Erika Townend